God as a Dad - A Response to Keith

A short while ago, I received a long email from our brother Keith, and he requested that I share his train of thought with you all, in case there’s another concerned with the same issue he has here. I don’t want to speak for him, so I’ll do what I’ve done with Aaron Welch’s articles, and apply that same format here.

To clarify, before we begin: Keith is a wonderful and dear brother, who has been working out the evangel for 8 or 9 months now, and has come to me with certain questions such as this. This post is going to affirm Rom. 8:38-39 (which I will, of course, quote later,) for Keith, and for us in Christ, and will also clarify that it is normal and okay for there to be doubt and confusion in the body of Christ, and neither of these feelings means you have to rush into an answer or make yourself ‘make up your mind’ on something you do not yet apprehend. In this case, Keith has been a shining example in my life of someone who will cover all his bases before making up his mind, and this disposition is wiser than most – one that the Adversary, in all his intelligence, could take notes on – and one that Christ, through Paul, celebrates (2 Tim. 1:7, 2:15.)

I never had a real father figure growing up. The family was broken, and everything was done with pretense. Every action as a kid was geared to not making people mad and little else. It took decades to find that to be an untrue state of being. Constant exposure to people having lived differently at least illuminated that.

The issue I’m having is that God doesn’t fill the void for me. And the whole start of this journey was specifically to have that happen. Anytime something good would happen for me, it was snuffed out. I get a sponsor, they go away. I get a father figure to teach me to drive, he gets pulled away to another state. I get a good therapist, the law prevents him from doing the works necessary to succeed. I have a massive list of these to the point where it’s not coincidence anymore.

It’s hard to want to try or pursue anything when you kinda “know” He’ll knock me back down. Granted, it’s not the worst thing ever. Somehow or another I’m still making it and things are relatively “stable” in a lot of ways. But the love tank is empty.

On this front, I completely understand. One of the biggest challenges we have in the body of Christ is the fact that God is invisible. If the visible reflects something tangible, passing, fleeting, then it follows, in our logic-driven brains, that the One that creates these things is also fleeting. If man is made in His Image and Likeness, and man is fleeting, then why shouldn’t we presume that God is fleeting?

Before we move into the Scripture, I want to first rest in what Keith is saying, here. The bait and switch that God has pulled isn’t sitting quite well with him. Some of this me and him have talked about before, and a big part of it stems, as he states, from the fact that nothing has been permanent, and any father figure he believes he’s had has been passing, transient, not set. Sometimes, this stems from man – they simply leave. Sometimes, it seems that there are external forces that pull said men away, to another state, or the U.S. law’s unjust requirements.

As such, now that God is saying He is here, and as close as dwelling in him, always, whether he is present or not (Rom. 8:9, 1 Cor. 3:16, 2 Cor. 6:18,) there’s the simple feeling that, yeah, that’s hard to trust, after all this time has passed without that recognition (for edification, Keith’s 28.)

The problem with God is that scripture has nothing pertaining to the missing pieces. Especially Paul. Christ and Him crucified is the name of the game. Grace! And that’s great, and Martin hit the nail on the head the other day. We literally are given all the secrets that so many aren’t given. It’s just that… it’s all I can see said. I want to learn to drive, there’s nothing in scripture about practicing and getting better. I want to take pride in my work, there’s maybe one verse that says “enjoy the toil of your hands” and everything else is “pride:bad”. And then I’ve got a God that when I do get a father figure, He takes them away and when I look to Him in their place I get “Grace is sufficient”.

Let’s get into this. So Keith’s first major claim here is that he has a problem with God – that Scripture doesn’t include “missing pieces.” Keith seems upset because the information that he desires concerning his relative station in life is not currently given him. I want to clarify, first and foremost, that this is the same claim as we see in Rom. 9:20–

That which is molded will not protest to the molder, “Why do you make me thus?”

Keith, the molded, is protesting to the Molder, concerning what he knows, and what God knows. The imbalance, to him, is not fair (and this is not merely to indict Keith; this isn’t an unusual claim, but a typical one for us to make.)

What Keith seems to mean by “The Missing Pieces” is not a Twin Peaks reference, but seems to be in relation to relative knowledge on how to get through this life – this life, the here and now. For him, the problem with “Grace” is that it isn’t exactly covering info for the ‘here and now.’ It won’t do his taxes, make him a sex god, get him a degree, and more. It won’t satisfy his flesh. To Keith, in this situation, grace will not give him a guide to success in this life.

I’ll come back to this in a moment, but to clarify – this is not to say that Keith doesn’t know of our expectation, or that he only values the tangible objects of this life, or anything like that. Keith knows better than most of the grand expectation, that all has been given to him, and that he is being seated at the head of the universe (I won’t let him forget it – Eph. 2:5-6, 1 Cor. 3:21-22.)

What’s Keith’s issue, then? Keith recognizes two aspects of salvation – the first component, the justification that occurs from the moment you first believe, and the third component, the expectation that presents us with new bodies, and allows us to see Christ, and thus, see God, and enjoy His glory. Keith is missing the middle aspect of salvation – the present deliverance into holiness (Rom. 6:20-21.) Keith has indeed read Romans 1-4; he did that with me. But he has not read Romans 6-8, which explains this present deliverance from Sin, and is thus why he makes the claim that “all he has read is grace.” The topic of grace is indeed front and center at many points in Scripture, and is the source of our evangel, but it is not always the topic of discussion. In fact, Romans 5 begins the topic of “conciliation,” which begins the discussion of everything we can expect in effect of ‘grace.’

Keith’s issue is that he thinks that the teaching in Scripture is meant to put him in a better place here and now. He is missing that, through the recognition of grace, it becomes clear that you are in the best possible place you ever could be. If God does not tell the story in this exact way, He is unjust, and the story would be worthless. If God’s heart is full of grace, then it should become clear that, if you are not given a guide on how to succeed in the flesh, but being educated on the beauty of the spirit, you are being given something way better than therapy, taxes, or sex. You are being shown love, which, unlike taxes, is permanent. Here’s Jesus, in Matt. 24:35–

Heaven and earth shall be passing by, but My words may by no means be passing by.

Now, with that said, God did not say, “You cannot learn to drive, Keith.” He did not say, “You will never learn to drive, Keith.” He has, however, said, “I am working all for your good.”

Now we are aware that God is working all together for the good of those who are loving God, who are called according to the purpose that, whom He foreknew, He designates beforehand, also, to be conformed to the image of His Son, for Him to be Firstborn among many brethren.

Being conformed to the image of His Son requires that we learn that taxes, driving, and therapy are all relative, passing objects that, if you learn to do them, are not designed to permanently teach you how to love, but are tools by which God uses to educate you on Him. If you learn, say, how to drive, you can guarantee that it is because God has willed it to come into being, and the moment He allows it is because He is wise, and knows better.

I’ll use my own personal experience here as an example. When I was first kicked out, I had nearly $20,000. I knew that, in the U.S., I needed to do two things, if I wanted to succeed financially. The first is that I needed to finish college. The second is that I needed a car to drive to college. Unfortunately, I did not yet have a license, and didn’t have a car to go get the license with. I knew I was an okay driver, but I didn’t have enough hours for the DMV. My idea was to get the car, insure it, use it to take my drivers’ test, get an apartment, and go finish college.

There were a million issues.

First, I was working another job through all this, and had to pay Uber prices to reach that job. I was also paying Uber prices to reach college, and I still had a couple months left in the semester.

Second, when I did finally get my car from a used car shop, I couldn’t actually insure it until I had my license. What’s worse, the car I purchased was a salvage title – meaning it had previously sustained heavy damage. This meant that insuring the vehicle would cost around $300 more per month, which, per my salary at the time, I just couldn’t do.

The salesmen had neglected to share this information with me, and when I confronted them about it, they would not refund me. By now, I had lost nearly half of the $20,000 I initially had, so I couldn’t even call a lawyer to refund me – that would cost even more.

I tried cutting my losses and selling the vehicle on Facebook Marketplace, but, as the car wasn’t in my name, I couldn’t properly sell it (and, to get it in my name, I’d have to insure it.) I couldn’t even sell it for parts because of this. I didn’t know anyone to take it off my hands, and so, it sat outside of my friend’s house with no tags, until, a while later, it was towed. I haven’t seen it since.

After this experience, a friend helped me get my license.

Do you see where I’m going with this? If I had gotten this vehicle working, or even gotten the right vehicle, sooner, Keith, I wouldn’t have even met you, because I wouldn’t have started this blog. You wouldn’t have anyone to talk to concerning this truth, because I would have been working as another cog in this machine. None of you would have gotten to know me, and I wouldn’t have gotten to know any of you. I wouldn’t be dating my love, Ms. Soulestial, I wouldn’t have spoken or gone to any conferences, and I wouldn’t have ultimately reconciled with my dad. All of this good would not have been able to occur, had I gotten my way in the flesh. I received grace, instead, and I would never give that up – not in a million years. If that’s all that Scripture ever told me, it would still be far greater than having any vehicle now (which, to this day, I still don’t have a car. I am happy, though, and trust that God will give me a car one day if He knows it’s the right step for my story to take.)

In my failure, I was delivered from the body of Sin, and brought into a far, far greater understanding of grace. He starved my flesh to enlighten my spirit. This is what is happening to you now, Keith, and has been happening to you for a while. What your flesh wants is not what your spirit needs. This path you are taking is slowly but surely leading to a permanent position by which you are with Christ Jesus, your Lord, as well as Paul, myself, and millions of others that know and have experienced what you are experiencing. And, through us, all are being vivified, resurrected, and shown through their failure this same grace. You are being taught how to love, in this moment, the prologue of your story, that the celestial period of our lives, the bulk of our eonian life, is able to be followed through. You will be a proper leader, in love, and a proper reconciler, for life, including, but not limited to, all of your loved ones.

With all of that considered, yes – grace is sufficient.

I finally started “praying” again, because I’m thinking “well I’m this far, maybe He’ll start doing stuff for me and I can interact with Him again”. So I ask for a smooth year. Smooth as in like me learning to do stuff and feeling calm and LOVING myself, not constantly feeling bad for things I shouldn’t. His answer? He breaks your phone so I can’t talk to you, then breaks the TV I bought my dad.

And now I don’t feel like praying at all because it’s all I get.

Again, yes – grace is sufficient.

Let me show you, Keith, something that you may be fascinated by. In Genesis 5, a chapter we will study together soon, the first ten patriarchs (lineage from Adam to Noah) is documented. Each name, of course, has a specific meaning. Check it out:

1.     Adam = Man

2.     Seth = Appointed

3.     Enosh = Mortal

4.     Caanan = Sorrow

5.     Mahalalel = The Blessed God

6.     Jared = Shall Come Down

7.     Enoch = Teaching

8.     Methuselah = His death shall bring

9.     Lamech = The despairing

10. Noah = Comfort

“Man [is] appointed [for] mortal sorrow. [But] the blessed God shall come down teaching, [and] His death shall bring the despairing comfort.”

The point of Christ’s death is, for now, to bring you comfort. He cannot do this if everything goes smoothly. If everything went smoothly, instead of this email, I’d get an email from you asking why you should care what Christ did 2,000 years ago at all. You must suffer, relatively, because a) you’re not exempt from suffering, as no one (whether in Christ or not) is. We will learn more of this as we go through Genesis together. And, b) suffering, in the hands of a just God, is a wonderful teacher, and is currently working to make us all very wise.

It is an experience of evil that Elohim has given the sons of humanity, to humble them by it.

The word “destruction,” as typically translated in the KJV, actually means “lose,” or “lost.” This does not mean, “permanently lost,” as many make it out to be. You cannot be “saved” unless you are first “lost.” You cannot be “humbled” unless you are first “prideful.” Here’s Knoch on the subject, in All in All, p. 72-73:

“God is love, and all of His creatures are dear to Him. Is it not striking that He does not even seem to try to express His affection until they are lost? Whom does God love? He undoubtedly loves all. Whom does He say that He loves? God loves the world, and sinners, and His enemies, and those who were lost. It takes ‘destruction’ to open the sluice gates of the divine feelings. This it is which makes contact between God’s love and His creatures’ hearts.”

You must experience this loss, Keith. It hurts, and I know it. I’m here feeling loss as well. You are astutely aware of a feeling of “unfulfilled,” or “lacking” right now. I propose to you now that this is not because you are actually missing anything from God, but because the contrast between “unfulfilled” and “completed” will be so much sweeter for you in just a short span of time. He has made this unfulfilled reason, and here’s why: this “unfulfilled” feeling is because you are not currently home. Here’s Paul:

For we are aware that, if our terrestrial tabernacle house should be demolished, we have a building of God, a house not made by hands, eonian, in the heavens.

For in this also we are groaning, longing to be dressed in our habitation which is out of heaven, if so be that, being dressed also, we shall not be found naked [unfulfilled.]

I will entreat you, Keith, to recognize that your feeling of unfulfillment, or feeling pissed off because things aren’t running the way you thought they would, is because you recognize that you’re called for something greater. You are groaning to be completed:

For we are aware that the entire creation is groaning and travailing together until now. Yet not only so, but we ourselves also, who have the firstfruit of the spirit, we ourselves also, are groaning in ourselves, awaiting the sonship, the deliverance of our body.

See how there are many other passages that are not discussing grace, but are clearly understanding of your feelings of ‘feeling undelivered’ right now? God, your Father, is living, and can very easily converse with you – and does indeed communicate daily. But you will assume that He is giving you these feelings of inadequacy, or incomplete-ness, out of anger, or hatred, and simply because you don’t like said feelings! May it not be coming to that, Keith! You are free in Christ. In fact, here’s a verse that should directly help your anxious notion that God could leave you again:

For you did not get slavery's spirit to fear again, but you got the spirit of sonship, in which we are crying, “Abba, Father!” The spirit itself is testifying together with our spirit that we are children of God.

You have words of affirmation right here, in Rom. 8:15-16, from your Father, that you do not need to ‘fear’ again. Whether you learn to drive or not, He knows what He is doing with you. Whether you live another 40 years or die tomorrow, He knows what He is doing with you. And, regardless,

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who blesses us with every spiritual blessing, in Christ…

This is the depth by which God loves you. He gives you everything. You have every spiritual blessing, and this from the happy God (1 Tim. 1:11.) You are gifted! I would ask that you learn to recognize this statement as far greater than the few requests you asked of me. I love speaking with you, but I am just a man! I am second to your Father! I can say from experience that if you are going through a rough situation, it is purposeful and intended to further educate you on Him! His praise is of more necessity than frustration thanks to the likes of myself, or a car!

There’s so many, even in the Body, that poo-poo “using God” to ask for things. My take on it? Aren’t we SUPPOSED to ask Him for stuff? And He literally is taking every father figure away from me… why wouldn’t I want Him to interact with me? How am I supposed to love if He leaves the love tank empty?

You are correct. We are supposed to ask Him for stuff. But look at the verse that discusses asking Him for stuff, Phil. 4:6-7:

Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, that is superior to every frame of mind, shall be garrisoning your hearts and your apprehensions in Christ Jesus.

Paul says, that, in thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. You want to request something of Him? Ask with thanks in what He has given. Thank Him for the time He has given to you with me, not in pain on the times you don’t have me. I can say this because, in due time, you and I will experience life in the celestials together! You, me, your boss Regan, Martin Zender, Seth, Paul, Ace Theo, and most importantly, Christ Jesus, will be ruling and reigning together, lead to God finishing His purpose of being All in all.

Moreover, look at God’s response. He does not promise that you “get what you want” just because you asked. What if a 4-year-old asked you if he could eat a cyanide pill? Would you give it to him just because ‘he asked nicely?’ You are not the one telling the story. Can you tell it better than He?

See, He say, “let your request be made known to Me, and My peace, that is superior to all other forms of thought, will be guarding, protecting, shielding your heart, and your understanding of Me.” His response is not, ‘you’ll get what you want,’ but that ‘you’ll be further enlightened on Christ, your Lord.’ As you know, as God’s spirit is in you, through Christ’s faith being established in you, it becomes clear that as you learn more about God’s spirit, you are able to imitate Him better (1 Cor. 11:1, Eph. 5:1-2.)

I used to be pissed off. I’d write angrily. Now I’m sitting here like “If I write Stephen about this maybe He’ll finally do it” like He’s some slot machine because I can’t just ask Him. There’s no lessons in broken TV. There’s no lessons in breaking your phone.

And this, dear brother, is your opinion. Are you not aware that there is a war on? Absolutely, all is of God! But relatively, Satan hates you. Satan is the god of this eon, and God must have you trained in peace by being poked and prodded at in cruel ways by the Adversary. You are asking to take pride in your work, but it is that pride that God is tearing down. He wants you to take pride in Him (Rom. 15:17.) I work on my writing all the time. Would you believe I’m proud of my work? Sure – but not insofar as I believe I am the Source of my work, or that He did not will and effect said work to come about! Phil. 2:13–

It is God Who is operating in you to will as well as to work for the sake of His delight.

It is His delight for you to will and work for Him. When you call me, you’re working for the sake of His delight, and you can take pride in Him for that. The same can be said of your comments on Martin’s channel, or any exploration you take into the evangel. And the time you spend playing games or working? Is a manifestation of that peace that God is garrisoning over your heart. It’s not “wasted” time, or “lost” time, but “necessary” time for you to live and express yourself that He is giving, because you are on a stage, experiencing this story (1 Cor. 4:9.)

One more thing: that you don’t write as pissed off as you used to be is indeed a great thing, as shows how you’ve grown, and shows that the spirit in you is producing fruit. Observe 1 Tim. 2:8–

I am intending, then, that men pray in every place, lifting up benign hands, apart from anger and reasoning.

The ONLY thing that makes me mad is this idea He’s pushing with all this that I have to wait for the snatching away just to live my life. I look forward to the snatching away…. Just so that I can actually go to driving school without it shutting down. Or work on something and FINALLY have someone say “good job”. Without the basic building blocks of fathership I don’t have the structure in my life to love myself. I can read every book or do anything but without a personal connection it can never happen.

Please observe Rom. 6:8–

Now if we died together with Christ, we believe that we shall be living together with Him also…

I’m going to quote myself, now, in an older article I published, called “Life, Life, Life.” It was part of my Romans series:

“The ‘we shall’ there is future tense, yes, but it is active. It is happening. It is being effected, just as ‘we died together with Him’ is active. These two ideas are actively in effect, making both the case. Both are true, and are followed by physical manifestation of these truths, in their own respective ways, but they are not caused by anything physical. These are perpetual ideas. We are permanently living with Him. When the eons are over, we will be at the beginning of something new. When the story is over, how loving would it be if God disposed of His creatures, the very things He placed His breath into? What’s just, or sober-minded about that?

The point I’m making is that we are permanently unified with Him. The whole ‘eonian life’ thing will happen, yeah. But it’s not something to be enjoyed later, down the road, in due time. It’s something to be enjoyed now. Something we appreciate in the moment, not in relation to some far-off, future event. God is not a future event. He is not a future priority, and Paul assuredly proves that, both here and in coming verses (Rom. 8:2-17.)”

Keith, you’re living now, not later. The snatching away could easily not happen for another 40 years. You don’t know, and neither do I, because neither of us are the One telling the story. The snatching away may be the beginning of your eonian life, but it is the completion of your salvation. You are saved now, you’re living to Him at present. You are living your life, and I’ve been telling you (and any other in Christ) to study Romans because it is the letter that best clarifies this, in clarifying the character of God.

How else can I put it? To paraphrase NF, if you sit there and tell yourself ‘I’ll never be great,’ you’ll never be great – not because you’re not, but because the self-hatred will gnaw away at you until you become rotten to the core. This mentality stems from Sin abusing you, and serves as a gateway to get hit again. Look:

For the ration of Sin is death.

That’s Romans 6:23. The Greek elements of the word “ration” is “PROVISION-PURCHASE.” Sin doesn’t care about you. It doesn’t love you, and will give you whatever your flesh desires, just to feed off of you and poison your mind, as it distracts you from anything real. All have been abused by sin (Rom. 3:23.) Yet in contrast,

The gracious gift of God is life eonian, in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

In utter contrast to Sin, God is telling you, “Good job!” Not because you achieved anything, but because He achieved you. “Congratulations!” He says, “Good job! You’re exactly where I want you to be!” He has conformed you to a vessel of honor, and is placing the gift of ‘life eonian’ onto you because He loves you. Imagine that. That love He has for you is not ‘future,’ and neither is the life you’re living.

The fact I went that far into this and finally felt like talking to Him again, only to have Him break things, is confusing. Plus I got a flu and had to miss two days of work and hurt my coworkers by my absence. I ask for good things to happen and I get a snake? I can’t name a single time I’ve ever asked for something and got what I asked for. I ask for help, I get crap back. I ask for help reigning in spending? He makes it worse. Which by the way, can literally be traced back to a crappy childhood that I could have gotten to in therapy if He hadn’t pulled me out.

Believe me, I’ve been here. I’m still here, some days. Me and Him have gone in circles on this. I’ve fought Him a number of times with this reasoning. I’ve lost, but I’ve certainly given it my best shot. Here’s one I’ll say. I’ve gotten so mad at Him, I’ve thrown the most insulting nonsense I could at Him, and then called Him childish for daring to say, in Eph. 4:30,

And do not be causing sorrow to the holy spirit of God by which you are sealed for the day of deliverance.

Like, really? You want to keep lying about all this ‘love’ and ‘grace,’ and hurting me in the process, and then you want to say, ‘Oh der, don’t be causing me sorrow though! M’kay thanks byyeeeee!’

When I think like this, there are a few verses that have changed my mind and sobered me up. For starters, Prov. 3:12–

For whom Yahweh loves He corrects, And He gives pain to the son He holds dear.

I’ve found that I can pair this with the ultimate suffering – the sound Inigo’s heart made when Count Rugen slaughtered his father.

Wait – no. The hardest suffering, of becoming obedient to the death of the cross. Here’s our Lord, Whose image we are being conformed to, in Matt. 27:46–

Now about the ninth hour [on the cross,] Jesus exclaims with a loud voice, saying, “Eloi! Eloi! Lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God! My God! Why didst Thou forsake Me?”

Have you ever heard a more heart-breaking cry of pain? A Son, crying out that His Father abandoned Him? Here’s what’s worse – the way that I quoted Eph. 4:30 against God when I was mad at Him? Well, Jesus here is quoting Psalm 22:1–

My El! My El! Why have You forsaken me?

Your Lord understands what it’s like to request something, and be denied. Jesus requested that He did not have to go through the death of the cross, in the garden of Gethsemane the night before. Did God let Him have His way? Surely not. Jesus, the Image of the invisible God, had to go through the worst experience that anything has ever gone through.

I have just one question for you, Keith. Where is Jesus now?

You know the answer. Living, safe and sound, exalted, Firstborn from among the dead, Sovereign over all, calling you out now to live to Him. You are being perfected right now, Keith, through your flesh’s misunderstanding. You’re growing, learning, and through your suffering, through recognizing your lack of control, and your flesh being starved by Him, you are being pushed to people like myself or Martin, who study the truth, and looking for answers about God. And it’s temporary, because your body will be changed, your flesh giving way to a celestial body that will finally match your spirit that is currently being perfected in Him.

But here I am and it’s like “Well, the TV broke AFTER Thanksgiving so me and Kylie got to enjoy a movie together. And it’s being replaced pretty fast. Electric Engineer Rick is back in our lives and because I contacted him to donate the TV he’s also fixing a broken phone with my deceased dog’s pictures on it.” “Stephen’s phone breaking made me read scripture on my own (I read half of Romans) before He started breaking stuff.” “Me getting sick did show me that my new boss WANTED me to stay home and get better and that was new”.

Right. So ultimately, you know already that this is for your greater good.

Like it’s not all bad. Nothing has been straight bad. It’s just a… deterrent… from trying to talk to Him.

Which is why the relative must be kept in mind. Absolutely, God is willing the story. Relatively, in your physical experience, the Adversary is literally seeking to deter you from talking to God at literally every moment. Your TV breaking is being used by God to educate you, but the action in relation to the story is Satan seeking to deter you. Again, the fact that you’re not angry should show that there’s a larger peace garrisoning your heart.

I guess I’m just asking, what the heck am I supposed to do? I kinda enjoy talking to Him and now I find I don’t want to. I associate “prayer” with bad things happening. And the stuff I ask for isn’t bad! Like is asking “Hey, can the last year before snatching away go smooth?” Bad? Because what is smooth to me? I spend money out of fear, right? I’d be learning not to fear. Or when I do something good I can give myself credit. Or I can learn to love myself, which is basically believing that I’m worth investing in. And when I learn I’m worth investing in, I can freely give that to others.

And again, this is a fair and reasonable question. What do we do? If Keith has read the first seven chapters of Romans, it follows that, right about now, he (or any other logical-driven person) will start to wonder how to apply this to their lives, as Keith seems to be wondering here. The answer, Keith, is found later in Romans, from Rom. 12:1-15:7. That section is in relation to our ‘conduct,’ which is in direct contrast to the conduct of man, that you read about from Rom. 1:18-3:20. In studying the peaceful conduct Paul entreats you to, you may begin to realize that God is not asking individual actions of you, as in, “do this, that and the other,” per the law, but is slowly changing your disposition, or your general attitude on life. This disposition cannot be created on your own, but is a direct effect, again, of God’s peace garrisoning your heart.

All God has really tossed my way is “I gave my Son.”. Then revelations of all that and then… well we’re now here. None of it hits me, makes me feel anything. I STILL don’t feel wanted or cherished, or desired or any of that. I thought once I got here things would turn around but now they’re not and I just don’t understand.

This section of Keith’s email gave me the indication that he did not read the first seven chapters of Romans, or he would know that this is certainly not ‘all that God has really tossed his way.’ Romans 6, in particular, discusses how God giving His Son directly relates to the believer and His perception of you, which is what enables you to believe and act the way He calls you to act. If he had studied this with intent to learn who God is, this criticism of the text he’s read wouldn’t exist.

He can say that I’m special until the cows come home, but without the actual void being filled with experience of that love in life there’s no real point to it. Words on a page don’t equal actually experiencing it in real life. Paul saying “I’m chosen Holy and dearly loved” doesn’t mean anything to me if I’ve never experienced that in real life. My relationship with Kylie is hard to believe for precisely that reason. She says she loves me and I just compute it, I don’t feel it… because God hasn’t put it in me yet. The snatching away, for me, becomes waiting to finally get what the world in many parts already gets (fatherly interaction).

Right, but Keith, you have to understand that if everything always went right for you, you wouldn’t be ‘doing something right,’ but things would be going right for you. The reality is that this would make you spoiled. You can see this in the rich today. So long as this flesh exists, that idea will not change.

This idea also stems from the fact that the flesh believes it can educate better than God. God knows exactly what He’s doing, He knows exactly how to teach through grace, and has thoroughly proven it in His dealing with us over the course of our lives.

Normally I’d be pissed off and be like “F**k you God, ra ra!” And part of me is. But I’ve done that before. I kinda just want to ask Him to put that love into my life. And yes, EVERY prayer up to this point is asking Him for something but… it’s building blocks. Like, for once it HAS to be okay ask Him for something. And I’d like to think that it’s something He wouldn’t hold back. Otherwise I won’t ask. I’m tired of being let down.

Many believers, upon hearing that God is in control, instantly throw their hands up in the air, stop caring about what they do, and say, “all of God! I’m out.” But nowhere in his evangel does Paul say, “Don’t ever care about anything!” or “Don’t do what Paul wants you to do!” God does ask things of us – namely, in Rom. 12:1-15:7, all of 1 Corinthians, Eph. 4:1-6:24, all of Phil., and most of 1 and 2 Timothy. To ignore these requests is to ignore the very purpose of the evangel, given in Romans 1:5–

Through [Christ] we obtained grace and apostleship for faith-obedience…

If you are given faith, but don’t actually apply it, then of course you’re going to feel unfulfilled, or as though God isn’t doing His job. He gave you all the tools, and He’s very clear that He desires a willful conduct (Rom. 12:1-3) and an unfeigned love (Rom. 12:9.) Nowhere in here does Paul go, “Oh, and, as a reminder, if you don’t do these things, who cares? All of God!” This is man’s inference, and it’s to escape responsibility for themselves. Christ is responsible for your salvation and reconciliation. You, however, are given a will by which to act. If you did not have this will, then you would not be an actual sentient being.

Moreover, if you were unable to conduct any of these requests Paul asks, then God wouldn’t have asked them of you. The problem for Keith here isn’t clear, because he seems to move the goalposts often. What does constitute a loving father, for Keith, is someone who will tell him exactly how to do what he needs, on his time.

If any of us have learned anything about God, it is that He does not operate on our time. It is not we who are in control of God, but God Who is in control of us. Keith simply doesn’t seem to be happy about this. And, he seems to be putting his personal experience above what God said.

God, of course, is willing the opposite of this. He tells us to walk by faith, not by perception (2 Cor. 5:7.) Whether you like it or not, Keith, this is the path God is not just willing His children to be like this, but educating all of creation on this. God is the God that calls what is not as though it were – Rom. 4:17. Thus He must educate us through faith, as it can teach us what is, though the physical is not.

And what really sucks is I’d open up to Him about other things too, when I thought He’d do stuff for me. Things like “guide me through my past” and “teach me to love myself”. The TV and your phone breaking right after was His answer to me and it’s like “HOW am I supposed to view you like a loving father if you do that stuff? Cubby never did. Derek never did. The people that made me CRY because for a fleeting second I felt wanted and cherished never did that…

Keith presumes here that God is reacting to his actions. This idea, again, presumes that Keith is in control, and God is not a Subjector, but a reactor. This would, of course, mean that God is pathetic, like the Christian god that needs you to believe him, or go to hell. You’re criticizing the wrong god here, Keith – if this is how God operated, then this claim would be valid. Fortunately for you, He objects to this criticism and speaks the opposite consistently all over the place in His scriptures.

If your TV breaks, and you blame God, you are correct. If your TV breaks, and you claim that God is doing something with you, you are correct. If your TV breaks, and you claim that God is terrorizing you, or punishing you, you are incorrect, because He didn’t say that, and in fact has said the opposite. Keith quoted “grace is sufficient,” a reference to 2 Cor. 12:9, where, after receiving a thorn in the flesh, Paul asks three times for God to remove it. God replied, “Sufficient for you is My grace.” What Keith doesn’t reference, notably, is that God explains Himself in the rest of the sentence.

“Sufficient for you is My grace, for My power in infirmity is being perfected.”

Keith, if ‘sufficent for you is My grace’ is all God said, then you would have to play guessing games the way you are. But if you read the text, you will find that, lo and behold, He clarifies, point blank, that He is perfecting His power dwelling in you, in you being weak. In this, you say,

Why is He doing a worse job than them?
I mean that in a non angry way.
He’s purposefully doing this in a horrible, distant way.
It’s just now I look at it and it’s like “well okay. He’s doing something.”

You make an assumption by ignoring the rest of the text, which clearly and directly states the opposite of your opinion, here. You’ve compared God to man and, because man didn’t break your TV, that God must be evil. Yet you fail to note the other things that man didn’t do. Neither Derek nor Cubby, whoever they are, could love you, by righteous standard. They could not educate you in all wisdom and knowledge. They could not perfect their power in you. They could not give you grace at all. Moreover, they cannot do this:

[God] Himself gives to all life, and breath, and all.

You must grasp that God, as a Father, must correct. If He does not correct, or discipline at all, then, again, you become spoiled. Your TV breaking is educating you, not senseless torture, and you know this because your Father said it. Unless, of course, you think your reasoning is greater than what God said, in which case we have no need to discuss any of this.

Part of me still hopes He’ll turn it around before the snatching away. Martin talks about us still being ourselves and our bodies changing to reflect what we are inside. I like the idea of already being filled with love BEFORE snatching away.

And, again, you already do have love poured in your heart, per Romans 5:5. This is another thing God said, that you simply aren’t agreeing with because you believe you must ‘feel’ it in order for it to be true. Life is not limited to your five senses, Keith. You must accept that your struggle is not random, but is being constructed for you to grow. Take the time, not to learn ‘why the TV broke,’ but to learn the heart of the One who graciously does all.

The thrust of it all? I don't know what I am.

You’re a son of God.

It's fatherly affirmation I'm missing. When I'm loving on my dog, it's out of obligation, not a feeling of live inside. Or giving gifts or anything.... I can't feel anything positive about it because I can't attribute good to myself. I can't love myself. 

When I do something I have NO IDEA what God thinks. There's no feedback. I can't learn or lean on Him. And there's my issue. 

You feel you’re missing Fatherly affirmation, Keith, because you have read approximately 5 pages from your Father. The entire Bible is Fatherly affirmation, and it was written explicitly with you in mind (2 Cor. 4:15.) This is why you feel the way you do concerning the Source of your life, and your love, both in the way you receive it, and the way you’re giving it. You can’t gloss over 20 pages of a 1600 page book from your Father and then claim that you ‘don’t know what He’s saying or doing.’ It’s also inconsistent of you to make assumptions and claims about what God is saying, while simultaneously saying you don’t know what God is saying. Do you see how this inconsistency is illogical, and thus rooted in your ideas, and not the reality of the situation?

There’s a little more, but I think I’ve covered the point as is. There’s no reason to elaborate further than this. Keith, in short, swift summary, that is filled with as much love as I am allowed to grasp:

Please read the text. It helps more than you realize, and saying “No, because…” is the same as a Christian going, “God loves you, but…” Please, if you’re looking to grow, then stop keeping with the mindset that the Christians adhere to, and stop presuming that, if something bad happens to you personally, that God is somehow terrorizing you, when He has explicitly, clearly stated otherwise – you can only believe this if you ignore Him, and in that case, who is to blame for feeling frustrated? He, Who said it and requested you read it, so that you don’t feel frustrated? Or you, who were asked by the Creator of the universe to actually read the text, instead of searching for answers on your own specific beliefs, and inevitably getting frustrated?

Grace and peace, Keith, and all.

- GerudoKing